What Will It Take? - A Screened Word Story (Adults Only)

I could barely have taken it anymore.

Throughout a good chunk of my life, I believed that I had it easy. I had a loving family, a grandfather who I was very close with since I was born, and a girlfriend, Amanda, who I had known, also since childhood. With such loving people in my life, I thought I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

With regards to school, I walked into school doing my usual business with my classes and hanging out with my friends. And every time, I was hopeful that I would have made some semblance of a dent in what I could have achieved every time I stepped foot inside the school.

At least, I thought I would've achieved it before this guy, Billy, came along.

This guy always roamed about the halls causing trouble for other students. And you think that this is the type of bully who pulls wedgies on unsuspecting classmates and things like that? Yeah, that's just an understatement compared to what I’d seen him doing. I saw him at his nastiest, believe me. I've seen him slip mean notes into girls’ lockers every Valentine's Day and make them look like they were from other students who I've noticed express crushes on them. I've seen him sneak tacks under the teacher's chair at every class he went to, and then, it just so happened that I became another among one of his unsuspecting punching bags.

I went to school prepared to display my show-and-tell project to the whole class – that’s another story – and while the teacher and some of my classmates thought of me as quite bright for my age and displayed some neat bits of knowledge that none of us knew about, all it took was for him to belt out…

“So does that make you a retard?”

My teacher responded for me and threatened to put him into detention, only for him to badmouth her back.

I couldn't bring myself to have had any part of it. So, I simply walked out of the classroom with the project, tore the project to shreds, and ran back home in tears later on.

And then, just a couple months ago, my grandfather, one of my favorite people in my life, died suddenly in his sleep. And it took my family and me completely by surprise. I was not prepared for what had happened when the news broke out, and the fact that he seemed as healthy and outgoing as can be, left me feeling like my whole world was crumbled, going into pieces.

Of course, it wasn't just my family and me. Everyone at my school knew about him, especially Amanda and the principal saw to it that we take a moment of silence to remember him.

I noticed Billy go along with it too. I was hoping that perhaps maybe he finally understood what was going on and that he understood the gravity of the situation. Or so I thought. All it took was for a simple…

“What are you doing here at school? Why don't you go back to your fossil pal? Oh, wait, he's gone now. So you are on your own now. Good riddance.”

At that moment, I felt ready to just lunge out and pin him from the back, but all I could have heard in my head was:

“Remember, do not hit bullies. Do not. You should never hit anyone, period.”

Those were my mother’s words. Even when I explained to her what would've happened that would've resulted in such confrontations, she never listened every time.

“If you're going to problem-solve something, do it without escalating it.”

That is the only advice I can recall her ever giving me. But if that's not going to help me outside of escalating, then what will?

But the last thing Billy had done recently is what really broke the camel's back for me.

Amanda was about to go out with her friends and have fun, and on the weekend in broad daylight, no less. But then, lo and behold, they all ran into Billy, who was about to make his moves on my best friend, especially since he knew that she was getting together with me. And slowly but surely, he lunged on her like a predator, started pouncing on his prey, and he looked like he was about to do the unthinkable on her, at least judging from what I've heard her friend, Susan, tell me with regards to him reaching down for her pants and his own as well.

But then, she pushed him back and slapped him back, only for Billy to go rough on her and leave her bruised all over the face and her body. After this unwelcome storm had passed, she was left in a coma out on the streets, and the ambulance stopped by to pick her up and rushed into the emergency room. There, they've been working on her post-haste in the hopes of making sure she stayed healthy and afloat. However, just as the doctors and nurses were about to bring over the final medications necessary to keep her steady, she soon gave in and passed away. Losing my grandfather was bad enough, but to lose Amanda? Why did I have to hold myself back from teaching Billy a lesson when this had to happen?

This was it for me.

If I can't do anything right in this world, then what's the point of living?

I usually thought that things would just get better on their own, and that I don't need to do everything to make the world a better place. Well, as soon as he did that, as soon as he laid his hands on my girlfriend, that's when I knew that I should have done something. But now, there's no point.

I really thought that someone else would've stepped in and taught him a lesson. But because he still went to school after this happened, why reason with those who's not going to listen to you regardless?

This was it. I really could not have done this anymore. The only thing that helped solve the problem for me was what I recall seeing in my father's office, especially in passing. Every time I caught sight of it in the corner by the ceiling, I knew that if I got my hands on it and used it to end my own suffering as well as those of others, then that should have helped ease things out for me.

And the next day in school…there I was, pointing it towards Billy. Squeezed gently in my fists was my father's Magnum pistol.

I had the nozzle aimed directly to his face, and on it, I noticed a confused back-and-forth pull between amusement and fear. He’d done so many terrible things by now that how was I expected to believe him and how he really felt at the moment? I've seen him cry enough crocodile tears before for me to know that he could’ve done and acted as anything to weasel his way out of things. But not anymore.

Of course, the same amount of confusion and fear was what I noticed throughout some of my other peers as well. I heard one of my teachers go, “Johnny! Put the gun down. Now!”

“It’s going to take a lot more than that to talk me out of this,” I thought.

But then, to my right, Susan was standing there watching me prepare to use my father’s gun on Billy. She seemed about as perplexed as everyone else by what I planned to do. But somehow, she didn't stir. She didn't even seem as panic-stricken as the others.

So, just as I was about to put my finger on the trigger, she slowly but confidently stepped towards me and put her hands on my shoulder. She gently pulled me towards her, and in a very faint whisper, I heard her say to me,

“Please, Johnny, don't do this. You're not the only one who knows what it's like to lose something and someone.”

“Yeah, listen to her.” I heard Billy say to me. The tip of my fingertips were on the trigger that very second.

And in the rage I felt against Billy, I heard her whisper into my ear what the school really planned to do with Billy down the line, and she said so softly enough so Billy wouldn’t have heard it.

As soon as I heard it, a faint speck of light snuck its way inside of me, and it felt like it was coming close to helping me learn the error of my ways. Was I taking this too far? Was this really not the best way to deal with scum like Billy? After all, of course, I heard my friends and the school board say the same thing to his misdeeds plenty of times, once or twice before. And even then, they've never, never been on the scale as what Billy had committed. Was it really going to be enough for them to change their ways? Were they going to finally put their foot down and clean up the mess that Billy had made rampant throughout the school?

As soon as I slipped back into reality, my finger was pressing lightly on the trigger. And for the first time in my life, I felt my heart beating loudly, as beads of sweat started to trickle down my forehead and down beside my cheeks. What to do, what to do?